Friday 30 September 2011

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John Hawkins: We Should Have Affirmative Action Bake Sales At Every College

The University of California – Berkeley College Republicans should be congratulated for speaking the truth to power about the odious race-based discrimination that occurs at colleges all across the country. You see, you can be legally discriminated against at many American universities if you’re the wrong race or gender. It’s hard to believe that those sort of backward un-American policies still exist in the 21st century, but here we are. So, the Berkeley College Republicans decided to fight back. How did they do it? By ingeniously selling delicious baked goods on a sliding price scale.

To ensure the fairest distribution, and make sure that there are a DIVERSE population of races of students getting BCR’s delicious baked goods, the pricing structure will be as follows.

White/Caucasian: .00
Asian/Asian American: .50
Latino/Hispanic: .00
Black/African American: {content}.75
Native American: {content}.25
{content}.25 OFF FOR ALL WOMEN

Hope to see you all there! If you don’t come, you’re a racist!

Admittedly, this is a little offensive… well, if you’re a capitalist. They’re literally GIVING AWAY BAKED GOODS to Native American women! What is this, Moscow circa 1977? Come on, fellas, you can only get away with that kind of thing if you’re government workers. Republicans are supposed to operate in the free market and you’re not going to stay in business for long giving away cupcakes.

Getting beyond that, these courageous students were cursed at, condemned and smeared for opposing race-based discrimination at their college. They were even falsely called racist, which is sort of like comparing the Israelis to the Nazis — which, come to think of it, is probably done by the very same crowd at Berkeley that claims fighting race-based discrimination is bigoted.

Moreover, how does this end? We’ve now decided that all Americans aren’t going to be treated equally. Instead, we’re going to discriminate against students who’ve done nothing wrong, in favor of students who haven’t been wronged, in order to make up for past discrimination. Using this same logic, will Berkeley be discriminating against black, Hispanic, and female students forty years from now in order to make up for the un-American discrimination that will occur under SB 185?

Last but not least, we hear a lot about tolerance, taking people’s feelings into consideration, and avoiding offending other people’s sensibilities. Ironically, the people who ramble on about those things are often some of the most hate-filled vitriolic people in all of politics. Certainly this bake sale is no more offensive to liberals than protesting in favor of gay marriage or cop killers like Mumia Abu-Jamal is to conservatives. Moreover, straight white Republicans have every bit as much right to express their political opinions as gay black Democrats. Conservative black Americans have precisely as much right not to be offended by liberal sentiments as white liberal Americans do not to be offended by conservative opinions. This bake sale not only exposes the hypocrisy of the people who call other people racist while pushing for race-based discrimination; it shows how close-minded and intolerant the people are who constantly lecture the rest of us about tolerance.

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